Motivation

July 10, 2023 

Today would have been my brother's 42nd birthday. May he rest in heavenly peace. He died when he was 20. I can't even begin to describe that horrific day to you. Suffice it to say that it was the worst day of my life, and I still remember grueling details. In short, he and several others were killed in a drive-by shooting. I was a senior in high school then. My brother died in October 2001, the same month that the war in Afghanistan began. A few weeks later, I also broke my leg during a volleyball playoff game. We lost. I had to wear a cast and do physical therapy, etc. 

I had faced many challenges before, but the next few months of my life were the most difficult. Aside from dealing with PTSD from losing my brother, around the same time I was dealing with culture shock and self-doubt, attending UC Berkeley as a first generation college student in the fall of the following year. During that first year of university, I would receive phone calls from my parents asking me to return home to help them financially. My mom would call me crying, confiding that my dad was having suicidal ideations. My dad was not coping well after losing my brother and the situation at home was dire. Our family home was also being foreclosed on. My parents' subprime variable mortgage rate skyrocketed and they couldn't afford to pay the mortgage any more. That winter break, we were homeless and couch surfing at my aunt's apartment. My circumstances made it difficult for me to focus, and to succeed at Cal that first year. I couldn't help but see the comparisons between my life and those of my counterparts, driving BMWs, receiving care packages from their parents every week, etc. I felt like I didn't belong. I felt alone. Life was just too hard! 

The one mantra that got me through that year was, "It gets better." I truly felt that there was no other way to go but up. It had to get better. One day at a time. 

Sometimes our challenges can become too big to bear. What helped me then, and what continues to help me now is to think of challenges in smaller doses. What can I put on my plate today. Sometimes all we can do is show up. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to do it all. You don't have to be the best.

Just show up and know, "It gets better." My life did in fact get a %1000000 better. I look back now and still feel so much pride for my younger self  for not giving up hope! If you ever feel down, please know, I've been there. Reach out, and know, "It gets better."